Click on a question below to see the answer to the question. Click again to close.
Accept their initial reticence to share a story as part of the process. But, asking follow-up questions will help you get more information. You can also open up a little yourself to establish rapport. Making a connection with your mentee via a common piece of history (e.g., the same alma mater), similar like or dislike, or even a person you both know can be a valuable way to establish rapport. Don’t spend a lot of time sharing about yourself, though.
You can place the focus back on the mentee by using some “closed” questions (which prompt a respondent to give only a “yes” or “no” answer), but after that, most should be “open” questions like: “Tell me about…”; “Describe…”; “What was it like when…?”; “In what ways…?”; “Why…?”; and “How…?” For example, if the mentee says “It was a rewarding experience,” find out why it was rewarding. If they say they encountered a poor person who was a “fantastic” man and could “really teach” us a lot, it would help to know why he was “fantastic” and what this means. Other tips: 1) If you have a question, make it short. You won’t learn much about someone if you’re taking up three-quarters of the time by asking long-winded questions. 2) Ask and then listen. Don’t be so focused on getting to Question #3 on your list, that you neglect to listen to the person’s answer to Question #2.
However, if the relationship is really not working (after you have exhausted your own efforts), listen to your instincts. Don’t waste your time or the mentee’s by stretching the meeting out. If there’s no match, no amount of conversation is going to change that. Don’t be afraid to end your mentoring relationship if your mentee’s needs change dramatically, or if you find you are ill-matched. If necessary, the Famvin team can arrange a new mentor for your mentee. Contact a member of the Famvin team (Fr. Bruce, Fr. John) so that we can help resolve the matter or match you with another mentee. Keep the door open for your mentee to return in the future. If at all possible, try not to end the relationship on bad terms.
– The mentee has achieved his/her objectives.
– Either partner may find the partnership is no longer beneficial. If this
occurs, reflection and analysis on the part of both parties needs to be
employed to discover why the partnership ended.
In many cases an informal relationship can continue after the partnership has ended. Before ending the process, say something like: “Thank you for taking the time to share with me. We’ve covered quite a bit. Is there anything that we didn’t get time to chat about?” The key words are “we’ve” and “we”. Not “I” and “I” as in “I don’t know what else I should ask you.” It’s an awkward ending and could be indicating your lack of preparation. Don’t forget to thank the person you’ve mentored. They’ve been generous with their time and perhaps shared personal information. Let them know you value what they’ve shared.